can you believe brooke maddox lost the love of her life in the most traumatic way at just seventeen years old

freyias:

i put the bi in bitch

noah.

_{^{THE AFTERMATH.  THE EPILOGUE TO A STORY THAT IS NEVER TRULY OVER.      ❝   well, it’d be kind of rude to leave out stavo but i will admit the nickname core four is pretty catchy.   ❝   teasing response is accompanied by a weak smile,  appreciative of her attempt to lighten the mood.  ever since a friend turned tormentor had been carted off to jail in shackles,  grief had become masked by comic  & fake smiles plastered upon face to hide everything that was going on beneath.  but his demeanor resides more melancholic than ever before.   (  the light that once shined within his eyes long gone. he can stare at the sun all he wants but they will never become}}   bright again.    _⁾

_{^{he feels a particular type of contentedness when he is with her that is not felt when with emma or even audrey.  he cannot exactly define it but it can be summed up in three simple words            she gets it.  they had both lost their significant others to brutal gore.  she knew exactly what it felt like to look down  & see hands crimson stained.  aren’t they all still trying to scrub it away with no prevail?}}

THE PHYSICAL SCAR.   _{^{marked upon pallid flesh, a reminder of it all that he is forced to witness day after day. he tries his best not to look at it.  he always looks in the end.  sometimes he lays in bed,  unable to give in to the blissfulness of sleep            the emptiness it provides.   and he runs a finger shakily along the scar,  thinking that this thing almost took his life. seventeen years of living with full lungs  & pounding heart with the thought that there was so much to look forward to.   (   it wasn’t supposed to end like this!   it wasn’t supposed to be like this.   )   but he had survived.   his lungs feel more deflated, his heart only races in fear or exhilaration from the nightmares, &  his body is tainted.  kieran had left his mark.   but he is alive.}}

THE MENTAL SCARS.   _{^{you can’t party the crazy away this time.}}

_{^{there’s   immediate   regret,   a   weight   excavating   her   shoulders   as   soon   as   she   hears   the   boy’s   response.   she   feels   disappointment   within   herself   /   within   him.   the   decreasing   quantity  in   their   group   of   friends   was   no   where   near   comedic.   though   it   sometimes   felt   easy   to   shield   their   grief,   rather   than   let   it   pour   out.}}          

_{^{perhaps   that   can   be   said   for   all   of   them  ——  the   core   four.   radiating   eyes}}  &   _{^{effervescent                   personas}}  : _{^{NOW   TAINTED /  replaced   with   the   agony   that   follows   a   trauma.}}  
                              no   more   light.  

&  _{^{she   can   try,   try,    try.   various   attempts   of   ridding   the   darkness   that   has   carved   itself   a   home inside   of   her.   she   can   put   on   her   lip   gloss  /   slide   into   a   fancy   high  -  brand   dress.   hold   her   head   high,   not   allowing   others   to   see   her   aching.   to   hear   the   shrieks   of   her   broken   heart.}}  

                         ——————  BUT   THAT   WON’T   FIX   HER   !

_{^{nothing   can   blur   the   out   the   images   locked   in   their   heads.   their   loved   ones   draped   in   crimson}}  &    _{^{carnage.   no   amount   of   therapists,   prescription   pills,   or   alcohol   can   distract   them   from    the   BLOOD   that   has   swam   within   their   town.   the   hunter’s   have   left   them,   but   the   reign   of   terror   remains   forever.   they   see   it   within   each   other,   within   themselves.   fingers  tracing   slow  -  healing   scars : constant   reminders   of   how   close   they   have   come   to   losing   such   divinity.   a   stare   into   the black   eyes   of   death  ——  one’s   sanity   may   never   return   from   such   devilry.}}  

_{^{though   there’s   a   sense   of   mutual   comfort   that   resides   between   the   two.}}  not   a   final   girl. _{^{plus   was   ‘final   boy’   such   a   trademark}}  ?   _^audrey   & _{^{emma   put   an   end   to   a   killer’s   destruction,   battle   hardened   to   the   core.   but   these  two  ——  they   are   the   forgotten   souls}}  : _{^{the   side   kicks   that cling   onto   a   sacred   survival.}}  &  _{^{maybe   it   was   fate   that   has   brought   them   into   each   other’s   path.}}

                                   ❝  _{^{yeah,   I   guess.}}   ❞
                            _{^{it’s   a   tone   wrapped   in   despair,   the   number   four  
                sitting   as   a   reminder   of   the   ones   who   are   no   longer   with   them.}}

—

Ruta Sepetys, Salt to the Sea

(via booksqouted)

—

I wanted to stay locked away from the pain and destruction. I didn’t want to be strong. I didn’t want to be the ‘smart girl’. I was so very tired. I just wanted it all to be over.